How To Be A Bad Parent
It's a strange title but one that's come from many years of experience parenting my five children over the past 21 years! I won't get too hard on myself because when it comes to parenting, we are all amateurs at first and it takes time to master the art....do we ever become perfect parents? I don't think so.
Someone once said...
“Raising kids is a walk in the park - Jurassic Park!”
So with this in mind, here’s a bunch of ways to be a Bad Parent.…..
1/ Make Your Kids The Most Important Thing In Your world
God is my ONE. My wife is my TWO. My kids are my THREE.
This is how I order my life and it’s proved fruitful!
Right through the gospels Jesus is clearly saying; “God is my One.” (not my kids!) Just look at Matthew 6:33: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”
My wife and I have decided that we set the culture of the home, not our kids! If you don’t control the temperature of your home you’ll end up living in a climate your kids designed.
“If you let the kids rule, you’ll be a subject in their little kingdom”
2/ Treat All Your Kids The Same
Newsflash - they are all unique. This means we must discipline uniquely and reward uniquely. The way we spend time with them should be unique and based on their love language.
Check out their love language here…
Matthew 10:30 ESV talks about how even the hairs of their heads are all numbered.
If you really want to be a bad parent then go ahead and treat all your kids the same!
3/ Teach Your Kids To Do What They Feel
This is really bad advice. Instead do what we have done and teach them to live according to their convictions, not their preferences and/or feelings. Train them to live with strong conviction, to know what’s morally right and wrong.
Can they say ‘no’ in the pressure situations?
Romans 8:14 ESV reminds us that all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.
Train your kids to be led by the spirit, not by how they feel.
4/ Be Your Kids Best Friend
More really bad advice! It’s easy to forget that they have many friends but only you as a parent. We teach our kids to stay respectful. We can have a joke and poke fun at each other in a lighthearted way but there’s a line when it can become disrespectful and we are careful to not allow them to cross it.
I love the fact that we can hang out with our teens and have fun but have learnt to give them space to hang out with their own friends too without us breathing down their necks!
5/ Keep Church And Family Life Separate
If you want your kids to walk with God right through their youth into adulthood then you must teach them the value of being part of the local church community for themselves.
Don't make the mistake of separating church from their day to day life. Be careful how you talk about church around the home, not making it sound like a chore or inconvenience. Your kids are listening, watching and learning from your example.
6/ Don’t Trust Your Kids
Someone once said that "The best proof of love is trust” and I believe it to be true. It's easy to be over controlling and experience will tell you that children give us lots of reasons to be this way but building a culture of trust is the way we've gone with our kids, to great effect.
Obviously the younger the are the more directive you’ll have to be and more control with be with the parent but as they grow older we must develop a culture of trust with our children. Beware not to give up when trust is betrayed, persevere and make it your mission to see a healthy amount of trust in your relationship with your children.
7/ Hold On To Your Kids
The whole journey of parenting is about this question…
“Who do I want this person to be when they are no longer in my care?”
We must be ok with releasing our kids into the real world when they grow up. This includes letting them make their own choices and even mistakes. Proverbs 22:6 gives us insight into the fact that one day they will grow up...our challenge is letting them!
“Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Here's 3 ways we can train them so they’re ready for the big bad world:
TRAIN THEM TO HAVE CONVICTION
Conviction is best described as a firmly held belief or opinion and our kids are going to need it when we’re not around! It’s easy to be swayed one way and another but conviction acts like an anchor in the stormy seasons and will help them stay true to who they are and what they believe.
TRAIN THEM TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Responsibility is simply being accountable for something. If we never teach our children to be accountable for anything, when they leave home they’ll expect everything to be served up to them - and we all know that’s not the case in the real world.
TRAIN THEM TO HAVE CHARACTER
When I say character I’m talking about the moral qualities distinctive to an individual. We’ve taught our children to stand out for being reliable, doing what they said they’d do and being trustworthy.
8/ Always Be The First Person They Talk to
Put mentors in their lives so they can talk about stuff to others - don't be so insecure as a parent that you've got to be the first to know. We've found that our kids appreciate having mentors in their life - this doesn't take anything away from us being parents, it only adds another layer of support to their world.
Proverbs 15:22 ESV
Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.
9/ Live A Safe Life Of Faith
This is really bad advice!
Instead, copy your children in on family miracles, steps of faith and what God is saying to you as a family. If you do this your children will develop their own relationship with Christ and learn to trust Him just like you do.
Let them see God at work and they’ll be amazed.
- Andrew
Andrew, alongside his wife Louise are Lead Pastors at Home Church. They have 5 children, Olivia, Max, Zak, Jackson & Will.
