TightShip

We’re a family of 5 and I’m pretty sure if we did a fly on the wall documentary in our home you’d say we run a pretty “tight ship” getting everyone to where they need to be during the school week.

The expression comes from a ship with tight ropes, controlled in a strict orderly and effective way.

We’re not that spontaneous, we’re not big on surprises and we love a schedule, a rhythm to our week. Scheduler parents can worry we’re being too neurotic and the more laid back roll-with-it parents can worry they’re too undisciplined. However, you steer your ship, I wonder how many of us stop and question if our morning routine is working effectively? Have we got the balance working in our favour?

Our mornings rely on five variables ......... myself, my husband, our 8, 6 and 4 year old. We can control and manage the morning routine to ensure everyone leaves on time but we can’t control the amount of quality sleep everyone’s had, our moods, anxieties about the day ahead or our willingness to play ball and serve each other with a smile rather than a grunt.

To give it context, this is what a school morning typically looks like in our family.

ORDERLY?

Prep ✅

Our children lay their (preferably clean) school uniform out before they go to bed at night. They leave coats, shoes and book bags by the front door.

Wake up ✅

They wake up and usually come into our bedroom for a quick hello and good morning cuddle. They make their beds, including our 4 year old, she’s a pro at hiding her pj’s behind the headboard.

Get Dressed ✅

They get dressed themselves. Our girls take considerably longer in winter, school tights are an issue. Then they go downstairs and start on unloading the dishwasher.

Eat ✅

We eat breakfast together before my husband leaves for work. As it’s the most important meal of the day, we don’t skimp on breakfast, this can take a while especially if they put their own spreads on their toast (Lord, give me strength). They clear their dishes and load the dishwasher.

Teeth ✅

Then comes the breathalyser test .......... have you brushed your teeth? They usually respond with a confused look like we’ve never asked this question before. “Let me smell your breath” is usually our next response followed by the threat of a trip to the dentist.

EFFECTIVE?

So by now you’ve got the impression our home is quite orderly. We like everything in its place, clean lines and shiny white surfaces, a routine and order to our day. We run a “clear desk” policy, the surfaces are clear of stuff before we leave the house.

But here’s what I’ve come to learn about our morning routine. We can get our kids to school on time, well fed, looking sharp and the house prepped to feature in a home interior mag before we set off, but if we’ve not created space for the little moments to be kind, listen to their stories or look at their latest lego model, we’re merely running a tight ship with little meaning and and connection. Instead we can choose to stay alert to the opportunities to transform little ordinary moments into extra ordinary ones, moments that provide reassurance, booster their self confidence and spark joy in their hearts. A hand on their shoulder, a kind word of encouragement, a funny kitchen dance or a random treat before the school run. The potential of moments in the mundane morning routine create connection and make family life more meaningful.

I’ve come to realise that having order and routine works for us, we need it, it keeps us sane and suits our personality types. That’s OK.

If the result is that our home is less stressful, less hurried and more organised, mum and dad are less agitated, less irritable, and that’s an effective ship for us. It allows us to relax and be ok with their interruptions, have more time and space to connect, chat and affirm our children because we’re prepared for the routine checklist that provides security and consistency. We can put our policies and procedures in place in the home whatever they look like IF the end goal is to help facilitate an environment where we focus more on our children’s character, their heart attitude and their willingness to listen when people speak, rather than the routine itself.

You get where I’m going here. The method you choose to facilitate your day to day routine for your family isn’t the end goal, what matters more is whether or not we’re creating a home environment that feels like family!

Jennie

Jennie, alongside her husband Kevin are Family Pastors at Home Church. They have 3 children, Ruben, Eliza and Jemima.