Parent First, Friend Second
I had one of those days yesterday when my Instagram memories sent me the cutest video of my youngest , Will, when he was a baby. He was oohing and aahing in his high chair and trying to say ‘ball’ - it was the cutest thing! I inevitably started to feel sad that I don’t have any babies anymore and they’re all growing up so fast!
However, one of the things I really love about them growing up is that they start to become your friends. You can have really interesting conversations with them, watch the same movies, hang out and do the same things...it’s really great.
One of the challenges though, is still being their parent and not only their friend. At the end of the day they have friends, but don’t have any other parents so it’s important not to sacrifice that because in some ways, they need you more than ever. As a parent, this means we act differently and play a different role than simply a friend - with correction for instance!
Proverbs 29:17-19 (TPT)
Correct your child and one day you’ll find he has changed and will bring you great delight.
Here’s a few ways that we try to keep the balance right:
KEEP BOUNDARIES
We teach them to stay respectful. We can have a joke and poke fun at each other in a lighthearted way but there’s a line when it can become disrespectful and we’re careful to not allow them to cross that. If they do, we’ll pull them up on it.
On occasion I’ve felt like they may have spoken to me in a disrespectful way or taken advantage of the friendship we’ve built, I’ll address that and explain that we’re not equals. I’m still the parent and I have the final say. After all, it doesn’t matter how old you are - you should still respect and honour your parents.
DON’T TRY TO BE TOO COOL
I must admit I always feel good if any of my kids say that their friends think I’m cool or young looking - who wouldn’t; it’s a great compliment! But I’m always careful to not try too hard with this. Of course it’s important to be interested in their lives, be informed and not make them feel like you’re from the dark ages but remember - at the end of it all. they need parents.
They’ve got people who listen to their music, watch all their programs and dress like them. The last thing they want is for you to try and fit in with them. You’ll just make them cringe!
The best barometer for this is them! I always ask if I buy something “Is this too young for me?” and I guarantee they’ll give me an honest answer! So don’t try too hard.
GIVE THEM SPACE
I love the fact that we can hang out with our teens and have fun but remember to give them space to hang out with their own friends too without you breathing down their necks. I used to go to a youth camp when I was a teenager and my Mum and Dad went as helpers - one thing I was really happy about was that they just used to let me get on with it; let me be me without them, and enjoy time with my friends. I knew they were there if I needed them but they let me have that independence. I appreciated it and it made me want to spend time with them afterwards. Don’t smother them or they’ll just want to get away from you!
ENCOURAGE RELENTLESSLY
I think teens need your encouragement more than ever as they approach adulthood. It’s a tricky transition for them and they need your affirmation and acceptance as their foundation for going out into a whole other world. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, decide to be intentional with your encouragement of them and do it regularly.
LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT
No matter how old they are your kids will always need a listening ear - usually at midnight! Just as you’re about to go to bed they’ll decide they want to pour their heart out and tell you all their problems. Make sure you let them. They need you in this moment - not to fix them but to listen without judging them. Make a habit of it.
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So there’s a few things that have helped us in parenting our teens as they transition into adulthood.
Once again it’s tricky - but it’s so worth it!
Louise x